Self-reflection: On Being a Role Model

Self-reflection seems to be one of the most important things a person can do to help themselves and others. When you are able to focus on just you for a moment, it seems like everything else falls quickly into place. Maybe it's because you are happier and can see things a little more clearly. Or...maybe it's because you never have time to focus on yourself.  I have tools in place that allow me to take a moment each day to do just that...FOCUS. Although, when I don't employ them, I tend to sound like a broken record to my husband and myself. 

I like to think that being a role model is easy and--to some extent--it is.The crazy thing it that I've had to define it in a way that fits me and my family situation. I'm writing this post because this topic has come up in conversations with friends, family, and neighbors recently. I love how many parents look to their own parents as role models, and even how some encourage their children to look to celebrities, scientists, and political figures like President Obama. 

My husband and I come from very different backgrounds, but share many of the same struggles and dreams. His parenting, discipline, and loving styles vary from my own in many ways. I see him as being a loose cannon sometimes and just hope to see the girls come back in one piece =) On the other hand, I see myself as more of an apron wearing drill sergeant with a cookie in hand. (I'm so glad that he doesn't see me that way)!  I believe firmly in "well-behaved" children in the know-your- manners-address-people-properly-pick-up-after-yourself kind of way. I never bark orders at my girls, but they do know when mama means business. At the end of the day, these are the things that help to keep us connected.

I have often times had to self-reflect on what it means to be a good role model. Most people loosely translate it as: looking good on paper, publicly, or in the community. Almost like a switch that you turn on and off when no one is looking. But as we know that it doesn't begin or end there. As a parent, the switch is always on because your children watch you all the time.  It's like surveillance! This made me self-reflect on the things I feel make great role models. This is what it means to me:

A good role model understands that there will be times that you aren't "good."  Every now and then we do questionable things, but that is all part of being a human being. The best part is that we can apologize and learn from our mistakes. Even if it means apologizing to our kids. We may not be children, but we still have tons to learn.

A good role model doesn't mind admitting when they don't know something. I can't tell you how many times I've admitted to not having all of the answers to things Dimaya will ask. Considering she's asked the same 10 questions a trillions times, you'd think I would know by now =)

A good role model stands up for something they believe in.  Everyone may not believe in the same things, but when you find what strikes a chord in your heart...believe in it with every bit of yourself. Try taking a stand on something.  I believe passionately in standing up against racism. I vowed to interrupt it when I see or hear it. I want to encourage my children to stand up and fight for something as well.

A good role model is a game changer!  There is nothing about me that is just like the next person. That goes for everyone! Being orthodox or traditional is fine, if you feel it works for you. But think about it...we look up to people who change the game!  Most of them have overcome adversity in their lives or have a unique story that inspires us. I prefer an unorthodox kind of thinking that fuels my very life and people don't like it...then don't. I don't know how may parents feel they should take all of the parenting advice from their own parents or other parents. Pick and choose! Your kid is unique and it's okay to change the game!

I just wanted to share a little with you, but please feel free to tell me your thoughts on this post. 

Parenting Issues

This is something I've been thinking about lately so I figured I would just blog about it. I've been working on being "present" in different circles of moms since Dimaya was younger. It's interesting that some people feel like all moms with kids around the same age will always hit it off. For some reason I don't feel like that pertains to me. I like to talk about my beautiful girls, but I like to talk about other things as well. I have lots of interests and I am more than just a wife and mother. Sometimes even I forget this! Even in "moms groups" I would like to talk about some of these other things. I want to get to know the person, not just the mom. I wonder if I would even hangout with some of the moms I've met without their children? 

I've also found that I am very much bothered by parents that allow their older children to do whatever on the playground because they don't feel like they have to watch them as carefully. News flash! Some of you may be raising bullies just in case you are unaware! I don't appreciate parents sitting by allowing their kids to run over or push down younger children like it's okay. If you say or do nothing, then that let's me know that it is okay to you. I know that if Dimaya did that I would have to let her know that we treat everyone with respect and at least address the issue. Or even remove her from the situation if it's a big issue where I know she was in the wrong. Don't just say things like "Boys will be boys," or "It didn't seem like an issue." I don't like to be rude to adults or children, but please believe I will call you out because you may need to know.  Just saying...

Be an always involved parent...know what your kids are up to!

On a positive note, I love parenting! My daughters have taught me so much about myself and patience is on the top of the curriculum. Despite what I saw in various situations growing up, the best thing about being human is that we can decide how we want our lives to be. I don't see my children as possessions, obligations, or the sort. They are small humans that deserve to be nurtured and respected just as adults. They just can't communicate their feelings sometimes, just like many of us fail to be understood by our partners regularly. 

Remember that when you're upset! My philosophy (with toddlers and preschoolers at least) is that if there's a big blowup, it's normally default on ME. Think about it.  Are they hungry? Tired? Overstimulated? On sugar? On caffeine? In Wal-Mart past their bedtime? The list goes on. I know that if I were any of these...I wouldn't be cooperative either.

My husband is the best because he is so patient and sees the big picture in most situations, whereas, I tend to forget and end up sweating the small stuff. Dimaya and Phoebe are so very lucky to have him as a father. Like I said we don't own our kids...we're simply lucky to have them be a part of our lives!